How to avoid the Loneliness-Hole
During another one of the regular tele-class-calls for the
6 figure coaching group AMC has a membership to, some of
the things mentioned referred to a phenomenon we have
experienced or heard others talk about in the past. Since
there doesn't seem to be a term for this phenomenon we
could find, AMC invented one for it. We call it the
Loneliness-Hole.
Let's start at the beginning: The study of Otto Scharmer's
U-Theory continues and learning amazing things while
gaining more and more clarity occurs daily. We had planned
to develop a new article about the parts we are currently
studying. Maybe the universe observed us and brought what
we were reading about and what we heard during the
tele-class together to bring you this article.
Have you ever attended an event, participated in a class or
course, bought yourself a guided home-study program and
caught yourself not really achieving what you had hoped it
would do for you? We have several times.
One nice part of attending is the enjoyment of the new
people participants get to encounter, the atmosphere
focusing on the topic at hand for a few days. In case of
regular classes or calls, we learned these scheduled events
bring the mind back to a topic on a regular basis, although
its' harder to be in the subject over the phone than being
in tune when being physically present.
Regardless if the event has the purpose to sell something
or really the goal to teach something new, it is almost
always the start of a change process, not the end. It
requires us to make a commitment to ourselves to use the
positive vibe and energy we have when we leave and part
ways with the group of like-minded people. During the drive
or flight home we still feel this momentum and drive to
move forward.
Some of us actually take action the next day trying to keep
the flow going. Many have concentrated so hard on the topic
for several days that they feel exhausted when they return
into the known environment. It's almost like a muscle ache
after a marathon So what do we do?
We take a break from the topic or subject. We might call it
reflection, but for the most part, it is taking a break,
relaxing our mind, as well as our body. A few days later,
when we find the binders, books, brochures, CD's, DVD's,
and receipts from our trip, we are reminded that we
actually had made a promise to ourselves. We wanted to take
action and apply the great system we had heard and learned
about.
This is when the Loneliness-Hole is opening up. While we
were at the event, all the other folks we had gotten to
know were with us. They had good ideas, they told us what
they would do when they came home, they provided energy and
momentum to us - where had they gone?
Often we try for some time to get going, but suddenly all
the stuff we have and learned looks more like a mountain we
need to climb. All the ideas we had are now countered with
arguments why they might not work - and the energy we felt
seems to have vanished.
Otto Scharmer talks about the power of Sensing. It is part
of his theory. In a nutshell it looks and describes the
process we go through when we calm down, focus on a topic
or object, explore all its facets and aspects, and begin to
understand its place, its function and how it fits into the
bigger whole of the environment. Many scientists call this
environment "The Field".
What happens in the field is what will help anybody to get
out of the Loneliness-Hole or avoid falling into the
Loneliness-Hole in the first place. It requires the
energizing of the heart to trigger a feeling. Like
described at the beginning, we know how it feels to by in
synch with a group of likeminded people. We know how
awesome it is to know that there is help, understanding,
energy to spare, focus.
What we also find is that things seem to slow down. We can
shed all the other things that seem to occupy our minds and
our time normally. We can explore the details, and we can
open up. This feeling is actually happening when we
transition from thinking and sensing with our brain towards
thinking and sensing with our heart.
We begin to resonate with the people around us. We see
ourselves both as observers of the system as well as
participants in it. We have all these ideas flowing out of
us and the folks around us that seem unique, great, and
helpful. We can really see and feel that the team/group and
its innovations is greater than the sum of its parts. The
experience is factual and emotional all at the same time.
That feeling is what we are missing when we fall into the
Loneliness-Hole.
What can we do about it? You want to actually not only
commit to steps, actions and change to yourself, but also
to a group of people at the event or meeting, before it is
over. Rather than trying to absorb the whole system, all
the new ideas and opportunities, and execute them yourself,
make a commitment to set up a regular event with a group of
5-7 people. This is similar to a master-mind group.
The best thing would be to have a facilitator who actually
knows what the concept, content or area of interest of the
event or meeting was. That way such a facilitator or coach
can help you find your way back to the energy and emotions
that gave you so much drive and readiness for action. We
are actually working on introducing these kinds of
group-coaching and facilitation groups as a services
because the energy and creativity that comes out of them is
very amazing.
If you don't have anybody who can act as a facilitator or
group coach, you want to establish a rotation in your group
so that one person takes the lead for one month at a time
facilitating the conference calls. Yes, you can do this
over the phone or Skype/Internet messenger. You don't have
to be in the same place. The most important thing for such
a group to be successful is to be able to bring the
memories, feelings, goals and thoughts form the original
event back into your mind and your heart.
If you practice this process, you will learn that you can
begin to channel the field energy towards other things as
well. One member of the group might go through and illness,
a family member might have an accident and needs support to
recover, someone might have to take a test or pass an exam.
All these tings can benefit from the positive energy of
thoughts that each group member can send to the affected
person.
Learning how to find the energy, renew the emotions and
good feelings, activate the field or keep it energized
outside of the meetings and calls, is easier with a
facilitator or a coach, but you can also do it yourself.
Most importantly, setup the group and make the commitment
while you are at the event, still in the training facility,
during a project definition retreat, etc.
If you follow this process and make the commitment to the
group, you will avoid ever again falling into the
Loneliness-Hole.
That by itself is already a great improvement over most
cases. The other great benefit of this process is the fact
that you will actually get the full benefit of the event
you attended and possibly spend considerable money on. And
you will keep learning from the members of your group,
bounce of some of your ideas, find solutions for things
that didn't work when you tried them, and most importantly,
celebrate all the small and big wins you will encounter
when you take action based on what you learned.
----------------------------------------------------
Axel Meierhoefer is an experienced performance coach,
author, educator, consultant, and the founder of Axel
Meierhoefer Consulting LLC (AMC LLC). His motto is" Helping
others help themselves achieve success". If you like to get
on his VIP E-mail list to receive more articles, or if you
like to receive his FREE special report, go to
http://www.meierhoefer.net/special or email
AM@Meierhoefer.net
